We all have a time in our life, when we lose a loved one. Whether it be a person or pet, still it’s a loved one. We all grieve in many different lengths of time. Some longer than others. Some have a harder time grieving, and others grieve by keeping their emotions private and to themselves.
This weekend was like every other one. Except for me….it wasn’t. It was the 21st anniversary of my Mother’s death. I lost my Mom to cancer June 2nd, 1997. She had battled it for 9 yrs. I was very young when she was diagnosed. And I was 14 yrs old, turning 15, when she past away. It wasn’t easy for me losing her.
Mom was a single Mom since before my birth. She was a fighter, stubborn, an amazing baker, a crocheter and a crafty woman. She loved being around people for events. And was a social butterfly…..something quite different from the wallflower child she once was. She had strong values which she embedded on me at a very young age. Values I feel very strongly about. She loved seeing me dance. And was always my rock.
She was my best friend.
I am an only child through her marriage she had with my biological father.
Growing up with Mom was a journey I loved having with her. She taught me so much, and still today her values and parenting continue.
Every Mother’s day and birthday, I go see her at her grave. Knowing it is just the shell that once held her soul. But, as I am there….I feel her presence. Like I did this weekend. Even though I was unable to go to her grave due to the weather and the busyness around my home. I know she knows I was thinking of her every minute of this past Saturday.
It may be 21 years since she has passed, but for me it has been not that long. It still feels like only a few years ago that she left the physical world. I am clairscent as well. So, I smell her perfume sometimes, when no one has used it near me. Knowing it is her spirit letting me know she is nearby me. And as I typed these words, I smell the perfume. Yet, no one is home but me and I do not use that perfume. The perfume is Red Door by Elizabeth Arden.
Her passing has affected me a lot because she was my only birth parent I had around me. I went to her for everything. She was my secret keeper, my rock to lean on. My big supporter. My guide in life. And she left this physical plane too soon and at the age of 55.
Her death has been very hard on me still. People come up to you and say “Ohh, it’s been years, get over it!” or “Ok, you lost someone. We all die some day.” Really?! These people that say this….who are you to tell anyone how long they should grieve for?
So, grieve however long you want or need to. Let no one tell you otherwise. If you need a shoulder to cry on or need to get your pain, heartache, or any other emotions out, then reach out to someone. I write in a journal addressed to my Mother. I have done this since a few days before her passing. And it helps me get through whatever it is I am going through. I think I have 6 full journals now.
Some people come into our lives, and they may not stay that long. But they leave footprints in our hearts and minds. And when they go…..we are never the same. I have asked for many years, “Why her?”, “Why did she die so early in my life?”, “What did I do to deserve this?”, and finally not too long ago, I received my answer. I did a soul journey and got validation from my mentor and other mediums about my soul journey and how it was real. It was the answers I was looking for. It was meant to happen. She was meant to go early in my life. For my own life lessons I had to go through without her.
Not many people can remember past lives. But I can. I have a few memories of a few lifetimes. And one in particular with my Mom, is where I found my answer.
Knowing why has helped me grieve a little easier. But, it still affects me. I miss her.
I have noticed that somehow I have fallen in her footsteps in my life. I am too a single mother of two children. And I too have had a tough life. But it is her values and lessons she has taught me, that has made me the woman I am today.
She left footprints in my life and in so many others. But it is her soul that is still guiding me today….her footsteps by my side. Her love. My Mom.
Although our loved ones may not be physically here, their soul are always with us. Guiding us. Protecting us. And with us every step of the way.
In love and light,
” She is holding on but barely. Gripping whatever she can to keep it together for another day. She doesn’t think about next week or next month, just today. That’s what she tells herself. That’s how she has gone this long. Just keep it together today. – Jm Storm
“The harsh reality of grief is that once the funeral is over, people move on with their lives leaving you all alone to walk this lonely and painful journey of grief. Little does anyone care that for the griever, everyday is a new battle to start being strong all over again.” – Narin Grewal