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Kept hidden

In my family I was taught to express my feelings. But growing up I also learned to keep things to myself. I knew one way more than the other, all to well….

We mask our feelings for fear of what people make think or say. And at times we keep things to ourselves because we are also taught “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” But, for some of us, we keep our feelings hidden because people don’t understand how we feel. Or what we are going through. So, we shut out people and the world. We mask our pain. We put on a fake smile, laugh at something but hide the pain we face each and every day. Not showing anything. And acting strong.

These souls go about their day, and act like nothing is wrong. You won’t recognize them easily, as they have learnt to hide this pain for many years.

The child you see playing in the sand, but you don’t know what they are going through at home. The man that acts like his life is good. You have no idea what demons he faces in his mind. Nor see how he is fighting to get up every day, because his partner passed away. The woman that smiles, laughs, and looks like she can take on anything because she is strong and independent. But you don’t see or know her pain, that she sees everyone with children but grieves hers that passed on. Or longs for a child herself.

To the person that is strong for everyone, but breaks down crying in private because they don’t want anyone to see them at their weakness. The person who struggles to get his fiances stable, so he doesn’t have to worry or stress of what bills have to be paid next? Or when the next paycheck comes in? Or want to stress the other person with the same stress we are going through.

The anxiety of keeping our emotions inside, for fear of being rejected. For fear that the relationship we want with another will never happen. Or because we do not know how to say what we feel. Maybe because we know the other person will not agree to what we think or feel, so we bottle it all up inside. And remain quiet.

The tears we cry can not measure the pain we keep inside. The torment we put ourselves through. The anxiety of what tomorrow is going to bring. And if we are going to be able to get through another day? The torment if the other person will love us back?

Keeping these feelings hidden inside can sometimes hurt more, than anyone can hurt you. I’ve gone through this hurt. I know this pain all too well. My anxiety got the best of me many times. And all I had to do was say something. It takes courage to say something, as we most know. It may take a long time, or short. But that time is all depending on you. That time is yours. Speak up and say something, when you are ready.

Now, the moments where you look at something or someone, and you are in awe…..and you feel something. But chose not to say anything….but stay silent. Be in that present feeling. And if it brings a smile to your face….enjoy that moment.

In love and light,

Amanda

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.” – Erma Bombeck

 

 

 

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Be in the present moment….

Be in the present moment. Don’t think about the destination, just enjoy the journey.

Someone I love very much pointed out to me yesterday that I think about the past and fear of it repeating itself a little too much. And that when I think about the future too much as well, I am never in the present moment. And he was right to point this out.

When we are in the present moment, we are more aware and see clues that we normal miss. These clues are what will help us on our spiritual journey. I was having a tough day a few days ago. And spoke to a friend of mine, who pointed out that I was being given clues as to what I need to work on. And what tools to use. After she pointed this out, I realized she was right. I was freaking out and panicking over a lesson that I was being shown that I need to overcome. That I needed to learn. Again, yesterday, I was being given another tool as to what I need to work on. Both were about…..being in the present.

When we live in the past, we get depressed and sad because we wish that things turned out differently. That things worked out for us. That certain things stopped repeating itself. Yet, it always did! But, we don’t see the lessons we needed to learn at that moment. To overcome that lesson and learn it; so that we can move onto the next one. And by constantly thinking that things will repeat itself, we manifest that.

When we live in the future, we have lots of anxiety. We are constantly worrying about what will happen? Will it work out or not? Will things repeat itself, yet again? Will we have that happily ever after? Or will we be alone? Will we be financially secure in the future? Or will we be okay? We are constantly reaching for that future and missing out on what we are given now.

When we live in the present we are more aware of the beauty of life. Of who and what we have in our life. And when we are happy, in the present, we make room for more happiness to come.

We are souls that are experiencing life in human form.

When we are not present we are trapping ourselves in our mind and therefore allowing our ego to get to us. Our ego likes to control things and people. It is impatient and it knows it’s time is limited. It focuses on the past and the future. Whereas our soul is patient and focuses on the now.

Our ego is our false self. Our soul is our true self.

Your mind is ego based and keeps playing tricks on you. And tries to protect you from things. When all it’s doing is hurting you more. Your heart is soul based and when you listen to your gut, your intuition, it will lead you to where you need to go. Stop allowing your thoughts to control you. When you think about yesterday, you are living in the past. When you think about tomorrow, you are focusing on the future. So, be in the present.

Enjoy the little moments that happen. See what you have, rather than what you don’t have. Stop chasing what your mind wants and allow what you soul needs, to come.

Train your mind to stop thinking negative thoughts and the things that you fear. Train your mind and be more aware of your thoughts. And control them. Then you will be more in the now. Rather than in your ego.

Take time out for just a moment each day. Take a walk out in nature. Enjoy the sun rays, the beautiful blue sky, the animals around you. The breeze blowing on a hot day. The water flowing. The storm coming. The rain pouring. The noises of kids playing and souls going about their day. Enjoy the walks with your partner. The private moments between you and them. Being in that awe state. Stop checking social media. Turn off the devices. And enjoy the people around you, and the silence if you are alone. The clock ticking. The pets sleeping. Life.

Smile, laugh and be in the present…..

In love and light,

Amanda

“When you are present with another human being, you are not trapped in the judgments of your mind.” – Eckhart Tolle

“Do not look back, you are not going that way.” – Unknown Author

“It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.” – Eckhart Tolle

“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” – Lao Tzu

“When you become aware of silence, immediately there is that state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective human conditioning.” – Eckhart Tolle

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Sometimes you have to stand alone

There are times in our life where we feel we are alone. That no one cares or wants us. That we mean nothing to nobody. And that the world may just be better off without us in it. These are our tough times we may go through in life. I am here to let you know that you are not alone.

In the past I have felt like this too many times. But getting past this feeling has made me stronger, a fighter, and more independent. So, I am going to speak to you through my experiences and help you out. As I am being guided to do so.

The lonely elder person, their children do not go see them or that often, yet they keep living. The person that is going through hell, gets up every day and still lives their life. The child that no one wants to play with, that suddenly has so many friends when they are older. They waited for this….because they believed it would happen for them some day. The woman that cries because her ex left her for someone else, gets up every day, and goes on with her life the best she can. Taking each day a bit at a time. The man that cries because the love of his life is not with him, yet he gets up every day and smiles because all he ever wanted was her to be happy. And even though it may be with someone else…..she is. These people are examples of standing alone even if you have to. But standing alone strong. Because you can get through these tough times.

Ending you life because you are not receiving the attention you want, or because you aren’t with the person you want to be with, or because you don’t feel you are good enough……know that is not the way to get through it.

You feel alone, yet you are not alone. There are others who have gone through these tough times and gotten past them. And you can too! Think of who you would leave behind. Think of your children and how it would affect them if you were not alive. Think of your loved ones, and how they would miss your presence. Miss talking to you. Seeing you. Hanging out with you. Hearing from you. Their love means a lot…doesn’t it? You may think…”they don’t care about me?” Yeah?! Think again. Most people do actually care what happens, if you were to live or die, even if you are not with them. I am one of those people who care like that. Why you ask? Because it’s how I am and it’s how I will always be. You have a gift of living a human experience as a spiritual being. Learning lessons along your life path. Sure there will be bumps and obstacles along the way, but life would be boring if we didn’t have some type of challenges along our path. Theses bumps and obstacles help us learn our lessons we are faced. And all we have to do is get through them. If we need help, all we have to do is ask. I know, that may not be easy for most of you. But, trust me….if you ask, there will always be someone there to help.

In the past I have faced pretty tough challenges. Some where I went into a dark place. Never thinking that I would get out of it. But I did with a bit of help. We realize that life is too precious to give up. And that we shouldn’t give up! That our loved ones matter to us. That our life matters to us. That no one is worth ending our life for. And if you don’t realize this. You should. Do not give someone else that control to make you feel like nothing is worth living for. Because there is so much to live for!!

Think of what you be missing out on. Your kids first day at school, their graduation…their whole life. You be missing out on experiencing life at a whole new way. Reinventing yourself or becoming the real you that you may have hidden for many years. You might even miss the chance to be with your true love of your life. Someone you may not even know yet. Or someone you already know, and thought you may never have a chance to be with them again.

Take your life by the reigns and live it proudly! Be the real you and let nothing get in your way. Be your true self. Socialize more. Connect with people. Make new friends and reconnect with any old ones you miss seeing or being around with. Live the life you always wanted. But live it! Let go of any past mistakes, wrong turns you might have made. And let go of the past. You can not change it or relive it. You can only be present and go forward. I know you can do this. But the choice is always yours. I just pray you make the right choice…….and live! Stand alone if you have to. And stand strong. You don’t need anyone. You are amazing all alone. You just have to see this for yourself.

In love and light,

Amanda

“Never forget how far you’ve come. Everything you have gotten through. All the times you have pushed on even when you felt you couldn’t. All the mornings you got out of bed no matter how hard it was. All the times you wanted to give up but you got through another day. Never forget how much strength you have developed along the way. – Unknown Author

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Grief….there is no time limit

We all have a time in our life, when we lose a loved one. Whether it be a person or pet, still it’s a loved one. We all grieve in many different lengths of time. Some longer than others. Some have a harder time grieving, and others grieve by keeping their emotions private and to themselves.

This weekend was like every other one. Except for me….it wasn’t. It was the 21st anniversary of my Mother’s death. I lost my Mom to cancer June 2nd, 1997. She had battled it for 9 yrs. I was very young when she was diagnosed. And I was 14 yrs old, turning 15, when she past away. It wasn’t easy for me losing her.

Mom was a single Mom since before my birth. She was a fighter, stubborn, an amazing baker, a crocheter and a crafty woman. She loved being around people for events. And was a social butterfly…..something quite different from the wallflower child she once was. She had strong values which she embedded on me at a very young age. Values I feel very strongly about. She loved seeing me dance. And was always my rock.

She was my best friend.

I am an only child through her marriage she had with my biological father.

Growing up with Mom was a journey I loved having with her. She taught me so much, and still today her values and parenting continue.

Every Mother’s day and birthday, I go see her at her grave. Knowing it is just the shell that once held her soul. But, as I am there….I feel her presence. Like I did this weekend. Even though I was unable to go to her grave due to the weather and the busyness around my home. I know she knows I was thinking of her every minute of this past Saturday.

It may be 21 years since she has passed, but for me it has been not that long. It still feels like only a few years ago that she left the physical world. I am clairscent as well. So, I smell her perfume sometimes, when no one has used it near me. Knowing it is her spirit letting me know she is nearby me. And as I typed these words, I smell the perfume. Yet, no one is home but me and I do not use that perfume. The perfume is Red Door by Elizabeth Arden.

Her passing has affected me a lot because she was my only birth parent I had around me. I went to her for everything. She was my secret keeper, my rock to lean on. My big supporter. My guide in life. And she left this physical plane too soon and at the age of 55.

Her death has been very hard on me still. People come up to you and say “Ohh, it’s been years, get over it!” or “Ok, you lost someone. We all die some day.” Really?! These people that say this….who are you to tell anyone how long they should grieve for?

So, grieve however long you want or need to. Let no one tell you otherwise. If you need a shoulder to cry on or need to get your pain, heartache, or any other emotions out, then reach out to someone. I write in a journal addressed to my Mother. I have done this since a few days before her passing. And it helps me get through whatever it is I am going through. I think I have 6 full journals now.

Some people come into our lives, and they may not stay that long. But they leave footprints in our hearts and minds. And when they go…..we are never the same. I have asked  for many years, “Why her?”, “Why did she die so early in my life?”, “What did I do to deserve this?”, and finally not too long ago, I received my answer. I did a soul journey and got validation from my mentor and other mediums about my soul journey and how it was real. It was the answers I was looking for. It was meant to happen. She was meant to go early in my life. For my own life lessons I had to go through without her.

Not many people can remember past lives. But I can. I have a few memories of a few lifetimes. And one in particular with my Mom, is where I found my answer.

Knowing why has helped me grieve a little easier. But, it still affects me. I miss her.

I have noticed that somehow I have fallen in her footsteps in my life. I am too a single mother of two children. And I too have had a tough life. But it is her values and lessons she has taught me, that has made me the woman I am today.

She left footprints in my life and in so many others. But it is her soul that is still guiding me today….her footsteps by my side. Her love. My Mom.

Although our loved ones may not be physically here, their soul are always with us. Guiding us. Protecting us. And with us every step of the way.

In love and light,

Amanda

” She is holding on but barely. Gripping whatever she can to keep it together for another day. She doesn’t think about next week or next month, just today. That’s what she tells herself. That’s how she has gone this long. Just keep it together today. – Jm Storm

“The harsh reality of grief is that once the funeral is over, people move on with their lives leaving you all alone to walk this lonely and painful journey of grief. Little does anyone care that for the griever, everyday is a new battle to start being strong all over again.” – Narin Grewal

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Is the past still scaring you today….?

Many times we have made mistakes and choices that were not right for us. But it may have been the right choice we made, at that time. We learn life lessons from our experiences. Each one different from the other. Some having similarities. And from these life lessons, we spiritually grow.

For some we have to relearn some lessons. For others we have learnt from it and move onto the next lesson.

There are experiences we have gone through that are tough and painful. And this is what I would like to speak with you about….

In the past we may have had many relationships, ones that left us heartbroken. And it is that pain that we carry into the next relationship, if we have not healed from it. If someone left you, you fear you will be abandoned again. If someone cheated on you, you fear you will be cheated on again. If someone had lied and deceived you, you have trust issues you have to heal from. The person you are in a relationship is not the same person that did those things to you in the past. You must let go of the past and learn to trust that things will not happen again. Have faith in yourself and in the relationship. If you fear of failure, then you will fail.

The law of attraction states that we attract whatever it is we think and focus on. Whether it would be wanted or not.  We are powerful manifestors and what we think and speak is what we are asking for. Because we can bring things into existences. So, if you focus on the relationship to fail, then it is doomed to fail. If you focus on the love and positive aspects of the relationship, then you will attract more good.

Fear not the past repeating itself. But rather focusing on not repeating the past patterns and choices you have made.  Give the relationship a chance to grow. You never know where it will lead you both to. If you are giving the relationship another go at it, then learn from the past. When you might have said or did something that did not work out so well. And change it. If you have been given a second chance to a relationship, try not to screw it up! Learn from your past mistakes. And leave the past in the past.

Maybe you are scared because for once, someone actually wants to be with you! And why the hell not?! Stop thinking of all the negative reasons why they shouldn’t want to be with you. And focus on the positive ones why they should want to. If for any reason, the person chooses not to be with you, accept it, and know it just was not meant to be.

Maybe you are scared because so many times it never worked out for you. But maybe it is this person that it will work out for you….if you just give it a chance and have faith in it and them.

We all have a journey we are on. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing is a coincidence! Your life, your choices.

It just all starts with a single step….

In love and light,

Amanda

“We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.” – Steve Maraboli

“You know I’m scared, and I know you are scared too. But the miracle is that despite the terrifying tragedies that have plagued our mending hearts, we are still trying, we are telling each other that we are worth the risk. In the midst of the catastrophes falling all around us….we are still us.” – Chrissie Pinney