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Sometimes you have to stand alone

There are times in our life where we feel we are alone. That no one cares or wants us. That we mean nothing to nobody. And that the world may just be better off without us in it. These are our tough times we may go through in life. I am here to let you know that you are not alone.

In the past I have felt like this too many times. But getting past this feeling has made me stronger, a fighter, and more independent. So, I am going to speak to you through my experiences and help you out. As I am being guided to do so.

The lonely elder person, their children do not go see them or that often, yet they keep living. The person that is going through hell, gets up every day and still lives their life. The child that no one wants to play with, that suddenly has so many friends when they are older. They waited for this….because they believed it would happen for them some day. The woman that cries because her ex left her for someone else, gets up every day, and goes on with her life the best she can. Taking each day a bit at a time. The man that cries because the love of his life is not with him, yet he gets up every day and smiles because all he ever wanted was her to be happy. And even though it may be with someone else…..she is. These people are examples of standing alone even if you have to. But standing alone strong. Because you can get through these tough times.

Ending you life because you are not receiving the attention you want, or because you aren’t with the person you want to be with, or because you don’t feel you are good enough……know that is not the way to get through it.

You feel alone, yet you are not alone. There are others who have gone through these tough times and gotten past them. And you can too! Think of who you would leave behind. Think of your children and how it would affect them if you were not alive. Think of your loved ones, and how they would miss your presence. Miss talking to you. Seeing you. Hanging out with you. Hearing from you. Their love means a lot…doesn’t it? You may think…”they don’t care about me?” Yeah?! Think again. Most people do actually care what happens, if you were to live or die, even if you are not with them. I am one of those people who care like that. Why you ask? Because it’s how I am and it’s how I will always be. You have a gift of living a human experience as a spiritual being. Learning lessons along your life path. Sure there will be bumps and obstacles along the way, but life would be boring if we didn’t have some type of challenges along our path. Theses bumps and obstacles help us learn our lessons we are faced. And all we have to do is get through them. If we need help, all we have to do is ask. I know, that may not be easy for most of you. But, trust me….if you ask, there will always be someone there to help.

In the past I have faced pretty tough challenges. Some where I went into a dark place. Never thinking that I would get out of it. But I did with a bit of help. We realize that life is too precious to give up. And that we shouldn’t give up! That our loved ones matter to us. That our life matters to us. That no one is worth ending our life for. And if you don’t realize this. You should. Do not give someone else that control to make you feel like nothing is worth living for. Because there is so much to live for!!

Think of what you be missing out on. Your kids first day at school, their graduation…their whole life. You be missing out on experiencing life at a whole new way. Reinventing yourself or becoming the real you that you may have hidden for many years. You might even miss the chance to be with your true love of your life. Someone you may not even know yet. Or someone you already know, and thought you may never have a chance to be with them again.

Take your life by the reigns and live it proudly! Be the real you and let nothing get in your way. Be your true self. Socialize more. Connect with people. Make new friends and reconnect with any old ones you miss seeing or being around with. Live the life you always wanted. But live it! Let go of any past mistakes, wrong turns you might have made. And let go of the past. You can not change it or relive it. You can only be present and go forward. I know you can do this. But the choice is always yours. I just pray you make the right choice…….and live! Stand alone if you have to. And stand strong. You don’t need anyone. You are amazing all alone. You just have to see this for yourself.

In love and light,

Amanda

“Never forget how far you’ve come. Everything you have gotten through. All the times you have pushed on even when you felt you couldn’t. All the mornings you got out of bed no matter how hard it was. All the times you wanted to give up but you got through another day. Never forget how much strength you have developed along the way. – Unknown Author

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Grief….there is no time limit

We all have a time in our life, when we lose a loved one. Whether it be a person or pet, still it’s a loved one. We all grieve in many different lengths of time. Some longer than others. Some have a harder time grieving, and others grieve by keeping their emotions private and to themselves.

This weekend was like every other one. Except for me….it wasn’t. It was the 21st anniversary of my Mother’s death. I lost my Mom to cancer June 2nd, 1997. She had battled it for 9 yrs. I was very young when she was diagnosed. And I was 14 yrs old, turning 15, when she past away. It wasn’t easy for me losing her.

Mom was a single Mom since before my birth. She was a fighter, stubborn, an amazing baker, a crocheter and a crafty woman. She loved being around people for events. And was a social butterfly…..something quite different from the wallflower child she once was. She had strong values which she embedded on me at a very young age. Values I feel very strongly about. She loved seeing me dance. And was always my rock.

She was my best friend.

I am an only child through her marriage she had with my biological father.

Growing up with Mom was a journey I loved having with her. She taught me so much, and still today her values and parenting continue.

Every Mother’s day and birthday, I go see her at her grave. Knowing it is just the shell that once held her soul. But, as I am there….I feel her presence. Like I did this weekend. Even though I was unable to go to her grave due to the weather and the busyness around my home. I know she knows I was thinking of her every minute of this past Saturday.

It may be 21 years since she has passed, but for me it has been not that long. It still feels like only a few years ago that she left the physical world. I am clairscent as well. So, I smell her perfume sometimes, when no one has used it near me. Knowing it is her spirit letting me know she is nearby me. And as I typed these words, I smell the perfume. Yet, no one is home but me and I do not use that perfume. The perfume is Red Door by Elizabeth Arden.

Her passing has affected me a lot because she was my only birth parent I had around me. I went to her for everything. She was my secret keeper, my rock to lean on. My big supporter. My guide in life. And she left this physical plane too soon and at the age of 55.

Her death has been very hard on me still. People come up to you and say “Ohh, it’s been years, get over it!” or “Ok, you lost someone. We all die some day.” Really?! These people that say this….who are you to tell anyone how long they should grieve for?

So, grieve however long you want or need to. Let no one tell you otherwise. If you need a shoulder to cry on or need to get your pain, heartache, or any other emotions out, then reach out to someone. I write in a journal addressed to my Mother. I have done this since a few days before her passing. And it helps me get through whatever it is I am going through. I think I have 6 full journals now.

Some people come into our lives, and they may not stay that long. But they leave footprints in our hearts and minds. And when they go…..we are never the same. I have asked  for many years, “Why her?”, “Why did she die so early in my life?”, “What did I do to deserve this?”, and finally not too long ago, I received my answer. I did a soul journey and got validation from my mentor and other mediums about my soul journey and how it was real. It was the answers I was looking for. It was meant to happen. She was meant to go early in my life. For my own life lessons I had to go through without her.

Not many people can remember past lives. But I can. I have a few memories of a few lifetimes. And one in particular with my Mom, is where I found my answer.

Knowing why has helped me grieve a little easier. But, it still affects me. I miss her.

I have noticed that somehow I have fallen in her footsteps in my life. I am too a single mother of two children. And I too have had a tough life. But it is her values and lessons she has taught me, that has made me the woman I am today.

She left footprints in my life and in so many others. But it is her soul that is still guiding me today….her footsteps by my side. Her love. My Mom.

Although our loved ones may not be physically here, their soul are always with us. Guiding us. Protecting us. And with us every step of the way.

In love and light,

Amanda

” She is holding on but barely. Gripping whatever she can to keep it together for another day. She doesn’t think about next week or next month, just today. That’s what she tells herself. That’s how she has gone this long. Just keep it together today. – Jm Storm

“The harsh reality of grief is that once the funeral is over, people move on with their lives leaving you all alone to walk this lonely and painful journey of grief. Little does anyone care that for the griever, everyday is a new battle to start being strong all over again.” – Narin Grewal

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Is the past still scaring you today….?

Many times we have made mistakes and choices that were not right for us. But it may have been the right choice we made, at that time. We learn life lessons from our experiences. Each one different from the other. Some having similarities. And from these life lessons, we spiritually grow.

For some we have to relearn some lessons. For others we have learnt from it and move onto the next lesson.

There are experiences we have gone through that are tough and painful. And this is what I would like to speak with you about….

In the past we may have had many relationships, ones that left us heartbroken. And it is that pain that we carry into the next relationship, if we have not healed from it. If someone left you, you fear you will be abandoned again. If someone cheated on you, you fear you will be cheated on again. If someone had lied and deceived you, you have trust issues you have to heal from. The person you are in a relationship is not the same person that did those things to you in the past. You must let go of the past and learn to trust that things will not happen again. Have faith in yourself and in the relationship. If you fear of failure, then you will fail.

The law of attraction states that we attract whatever it is we think and focus on. Whether it would be wanted or not.  We are powerful manifestors and what we think and speak is what we are asking for. Because we can bring things into existences. So, if you focus on the relationship to fail, then it is doomed to fail. If you focus on the love and positive aspects of the relationship, then you will attract more good.

Fear not the past repeating itself. But rather focusing on not repeating the past patterns and choices you have made.  Give the relationship a chance to grow. You never know where it will lead you both to. If you are giving the relationship another go at it, then learn from the past. When you might have said or did something that did not work out so well. And change it. If you have been given a second chance to a relationship, try not to screw it up! Learn from your past mistakes. And leave the past in the past.

Maybe you are scared because for once, someone actually wants to be with you! And why the hell not?! Stop thinking of all the negative reasons why they shouldn’t want to be with you. And focus on the positive ones why they should want to. If for any reason, the person chooses not to be with you, accept it, and know it just was not meant to be.

Maybe you are scared because so many times it never worked out for you. But maybe it is this person that it will work out for you….if you just give it a chance and have faith in it and them.

We all have a journey we are on. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing is a coincidence! Your life, your choices.

It just all starts with a single step….

In love and light,

Amanda

“We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.” – Steve Maraboli

“You know I’m scared, and I know you are scared too. But the miracle is that despite the terrifying tragedies that have plagued our mending hearts, we are still trying, we are telling each other that we are worth the risk. In the midst of the catastrophes falling all around us….we are still us.” – Chrissie Pinney

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What if’s and is it meant to be?

Many of us ask ourselves the same question. What if? We ask this when we are faced with a difficult or tricky situation. The thing is, we ask this when things have already played out. We can not change the past. We can only change the present and change our path for the future if needed.

We are told that if it’s meant to be, it will be. Most people are impatient. We can not wait till we have what or who we desire. But, if we rush….we can change the timing for everything. The day you decide to go out for lunch. And as you are eating, your past lover walks in. And you remember everything with them. Maybe they were the one that hurt you so bad. And instead of saying hi, you choose not to. Maybe they were the one that got away. And you wish that things turned out differently. You look at them and say hi. And talk for a bit. But, then you part ways again, hoping to see them again soon. Months or years later pass by, and then it happens again. You bumped into them. You start to talk again and then it’s like, things pick up where you both left off.

You question, what if we didn’t bumped into each other? What if he or she never messaged me? What if….? Okay, think about this for a minute. What if it was meant to be that you were to be there at that time? What if you reconnected and started to talk again? What if you both not only remembered how it was with you two as a couple, but you start to think that this person deserves a second chance? What if they are thinking the same thing? What if they are thinking….will he or she give me a second chance? What if the person says no?

You don’t know unless you take the risk and go find out the answer. If it’s meant to be, it’ll be.

What if you took that chance and it was meant to be? Maybe it wasn’t to work out back then because you both were not on the same page. Maybe it’s because you both needed to grow within and mature. Maybe it’s because…..it’s just all in Divine timing.

Divine timing is not time we can control. Not something we can manipulate to our own timing. It is something that is timed perfectly, so that all can work out just as it’s meant to be. Because if we tried to control the outcome, it would not work out as it should. And maybe that’s just the way it’s suppose to work out. We may not see how things are playing out in the right timing. But maybe we are not meant to see it. Not till it’s time. And then….we see it. And we understand why it had to work out just as it did.

So stop thinking about the what if’s. If it’s meant to be, it will be. And it’ll be all the worth while that you waited patiently for it. Nothing is ever long lasting when we rush. Don’t rush. Take your time. And be in the present moment.

In love and light ,

Amanda

“What we find in a soulmate is not something wild to tame but something wild to run with.” – Robert Brault

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Lost

We all have gone through times where we feel lost. And we don’t know how to get out. Sometimes we are there for a short time. Sometimes it is much longer. It is only up to you to get out of feeling lost.

I have heard all too many times of people feeling lost. But found themselves with the help of others. These people turn to others to guide them out of the darkness they are so lost in. I have been those people that people turn to. I have been this person for years. Where so many are lost. They are needing to confine in. They are needing to get secrets out and things off their mind, so they can sleep better. So they can feel a bit of relief. But, the part they don’t know is…..they did it all on their own.

I have a way to get people to see that they are not lost. That they don’t need someone with them, to find themselves. That all they need is guidance. It is something I have done for years. I just have this way of helping others. And I love helping others like that. It is so beautiful to see someone truly find what they thought they lost within themselves.

Recently, this happened to someone I love very dearly. We reconnected a few weeks ago. He was lost. But found himself, more so while just being around me. Although I know he still needs to work on himself, and he is doing just what he needs to do. And at his own pace. He was lost for so many years. Trying to find his long love in someone else; a long love that he let go of so long ago. He felt like he lost parts of himself, that she always showed that he had within him always. He felt like he lost part of his heart. Part of his inner being. His soulmate. The one he let go of long ago because he was scared of how much she cared and loved him. She too felt lost though. She felt she lost her chance of her happily ever after. But it was her that had to also find herself.

We can not be loved or love someone else till we love ourselves. We can try all we want, but it just won’t happen. It will not be ever the love that we are looking for.

She has taken years to find herself. To know who she is, what she wants and who it is she wants in her life. She no longer feels lost. And she is helping him find himself even more. Helping him see what she sees.

We are not lost. We only feel like this because of certain events that have occurred in our lives. It is only up to us to find our way out of the darkness, out of feeling lost. We can reach out to others that can help guide us. But, understand once they guide us out, these people might have to leave us till it’s time for them to return and help us again. And sometimes we are lucky. Because these people stay with us. And we continue to work together helping each other out of any darkness and into the light we so deeply long for.

This couple I am talking about. I know them all too well. Because I am the girl. I was once lost for so many years. Thinking and feeling I will never get out of feeling like this. And feeling like I lost my chance at happiness. But once I changed my way of thinking. Changed some things in my life. And let go of people who no longer served a purpose in my life, I began to be able to find myself. And I am happy of the person I am today. I love myself. And this is what I needed to do. I needed to be happy with myself in order to be able to give and receive love. The love I want in my life. This man I talk about, I also know him too well. For he is a soulmate of mine. We dated in 2002. Only to find each other again. He left me back then, because he was scared. But now, he no longer feels scared. No longer feels lost. He found what and who he was looking for. And he still continues to find himself.

For the person he was looking for in another….was me all along…..

And if you know this…..we can never find someone in someone else. You feel lost without the person. Okay, I understand. But, I ask you this. Find yourself. Get lost in your own self. There you will find what it is you are looking for. And who. And there you will see…..you are not so lost as you think. So look up and see the stars. And you will find your way.

In love and light always,

Amanda

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If only you really knew

There are times where we are faced with decisions and choices in life. It could be concerning our health and well being or it could be as small as….”Hmmm what should we have for dinner?” For everyone no matter what the topic is, we are faced with deciding on what to do.

When I was in high school (which was not that long ago might I add), we did not have phones to hide behind and text someone things like “will you be my date to the prom?”, or “will you go out with me?”. It was simply, writing a letter and have the guts to give it to them, or talk to them in person. Not easy back then. And if not, we just didn’t say anything.

Nowadays we have simply become more involved with using technology, and less, shall I say “opening our mouths”. We hide behind the screens, the emojis, and can not see someone’s actual face reaction, unless they “face time” or video us. That’s if they want to! Times have changed, yes, I know. We rely so much on hiding behind a screen though, that we are hiding from our true emotions. And for what? Fear of rejection, that we think may come in a better way? Fear of not knowing how it will go? Fear if we will get the job? Or will I have to move? These are the people we want to be with. Give it a go and see if things work out. These are the jobs we desire, or places we want to move to. Or the people we connect with. And instead….we hide.

I know how you feel and what you are doing. I had hide my thoughts for so many years for fearing what people may think or react about it, that I was hiding from my true self. Well, I changed that last summer. Or so I thought. This was around the time when the Solar eclipse was in Leo. You see, I did in fact stop hiding my thoughts. But….then again. I didn’t. I have been hiding my true emotions, pertaining to a personal matter. For fear of so many things. It’s scary to not know what the outcome could be. Or that a fear will come true. And yet, all this time, some of us long to say something. But choose not to.

If you are “old school” like me, you write in a journal or letters. This is how I have hidden my emotions. On paper. Not too brilliant might I add (for the reason that someone might read them). But stay with me here! We write things out to get them out of in the open. But, then we do not share it. We keep thoughts in our heads and drive ourselves crazy at times. Instead of talking to someone about them. But, why? What if you were to share your emotions with a caring heart? What if you were to take that risk? What if only they knew…..
I have felt great strength within my soul. I have had the courage to do things I would never have done. And I have been asked about some things and never lied. Yet, my knees unbuckle and at the same time I feel very comfortable, I still fear. Confusing that sounds, I know.

If we do not share our thoughts and ideas, we can miss opportunities. If we do not share our emotions, we can stay stuck. I have heard from so many people, “If only I said something”, “If only I showed I cared more”, “If only they knew…”. It is when we think things like this, that we should speak about our emotions. Instead of bottling it up inside, or keep hidden. Now think if you were never given the opportunity again. Would you be okay living with that decision? That choice. What happens if there was not another chance to see that person again. You still okay with not saying anything?

You only get to live life once. So, don’t hold anything back. If you have questions, ask them. If you have a thought or an idea, say it. If you have emotions, don’t keep them inside. Talk to someone. It’s not healthy to keep everything in.

Wouldn’t it be better to get it out?

In Love and Light,

Amanda

 

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You are a fighter

Some times in life we receive news that are good. But, some times, they aren’t so good…..these can be one of those times.

One day we are just going about our day and we receive a phone call or a message. It’s one we do not look forward to receiving. It doesn’t matter where we are or what we are doing, it’ll happen whenever.

About 6 yrs ago, I got a phone call just like this one. My boss told me, that she had news she was not wanting to give me. And like the fiery person I am, I told her….just give it to me! I was having a tough day that day, because I just got injured at work and was in so much pain. My boss slowly told me that a co-worker I had worked with so closely had just died. My heart broke. This co-worker had just hurt herself on the ice, in her driveway earlier that winter. I had told her that my opposite wrist from hers had gotten a hair line fracture years prior. So I knew the pain she must have felt. A pain that would come and go with every rainfall and cold winter. A pain called rheumatoid arthritis. Something that happened with past injuries, like ours as one example.

In that early month of Feb 2012, I had seen her on her way down to her department. I had been moved to my old department within the store a few months prior. She walked by me and said “Good Morning!” like she usually did on her way down. And we chatted for a bit. I asked how her wrist was doing from the fall she had on her driveway and she told me about the pain she had continued to fight. She then said she had to head on downstairs and I told her to have an amazing day, aside from her pain, and she told me to do the same. She had gotten sick a few days later. And stayed home for a bit. And a few days after that, I got injured at work. That day we chatted was the last day I would ever see her little did I know.

Five days later after my injury, she left the physical world. She died of an aneurysm.

A few years ago, another friend who was a co-worker (at the same company) I used to work with, passed away. I found out this through a Facebook post. She left behind a husband and a one year old daughter. And she lost her fight to cancer. I remembered the last thing I told this friend. And that was, “Keep fighting!! I know you will win this battle and have that family you always dreamed of having!” Little did I know that was the last time I saw her. She had fought a long time and for a while, I had no idea what she was battling. Till one day sh told me…..

Earlier this winter, we received 50 centimeters of snow or more within two days. I had gone out to see if one of my neighbors could help me get my car out of the snow. But while out we were out there, we saw another neighbor plowing more snow that he had just finished plowing. This being because the city plow trucks had just dumped more snow on his walk way that he just did. I asked my neighbor who helped me, to please go help him with shoveling, as I could not due to my injury. We all started to chat outside. It was nice. But we then found out that he has been fighting cancer for about 10 years. And so this freshly dumped snow was not going to get the best of him. He told us that he is giving up on doing anymore chemo treatments. And instead wants to live out his life however he wants. I told him, “Keep fighting! My Mom had cancer and fought for a long time too!!” I saw it gave him happiness to know that someone can fight for so long.

Last summer, I reconnected with an old friend. And last week he had a type of aneurysm. Luckily he caught it before it got too serious. But today, I found out how close it is to being much more serious than he previously expected. And now he too is fighting….

The people we have lost will never be forgotten. We keep them alive in our memories and in our hearts. They showed us what strong fighters they were no matter how short or long they fought. And to the ones that continue to fight, they show us that even when they may have no more energy to fight, they continue to do so.

We fight for what we believe in, we fight for our rights. We fight for love, no matter what it may cost us or how long it may take. We fight for reasons some may understand and others may not. And we fight to live…..

We all battle something whether someone sees it or not. We all go through our tough days, some more than others. And it doesn’t matter how long we battle. A battle is a battle. We all have inner strength inside ourselves. And losing a battle does not mean that some have more inner strength than others. It is that strength that whispers to us “You got this. Keep going!”

Today, I also saw a post that someone I knew was having a tough day….but when he bumped into a neighbor, he found out, that the older gentleman had just found out he has cancer. Made my friend’s bad day seem not so bad when in comparison to his neighbor’s. We all have tough days. It is not till we hear or read about someone else’s tougher day or life that we look at our own life and see how good we really have it. No matter what the fight is, there’s a warrior in you. So, you got this! Keep going! I believe and have faith in you. I know you can get through it! So don’t give up!!

In love and light always,

Amanda

“Warriors are not the ones who always win, but the ones that always fight.” – unknown author