There are times in our lives where we put up walls around our heart so that we do not get hurt. We do this because in the past when we may have been hurt, possibly one too many times. When we put up walls, we are protecting the one thing where we are vulnerable to. Love. We fear that if one person hurt us, another will. Well, in some cases, yes that may happen. But, in other cases….maybe it won’t. It’s the risk you have to decide to take or not.
We put up walls for fear of rejection, for fear of not being good enough, for fear of getting hurt again, for fear of finally loving someone again only to be disappointed, and for many other reasons.
We may not understand why people do this, or when will their walls come down. But, if you are the one trying to bring down someone’s wall….just do it, one brick at a time. It may take a while for those bricks to come down, or it may not. But that is where your patience will be tested. Are they worth it? To wait, to see if they will bring down their wall.
Once their wall comes down, they or you are very vulnerable. And for most, it scares the hell out of them!! They may get so scared that they start to put up that wall again. Or they get so scared….that they run away from their feelings. Because they are scared of the real thing. And then question if it’s for real or not. Due to what they have already gone through, the times of pain in the past that they have endured.
The pain of getting hurt is not all that fun to go through. It can hurt so much or so little. It all depends on you. It can also last however long it does. But, once you get past that pain, you can move forward. One step at a time. However fast or slow you go is entirely up to you. You are the one steering and driving your course of life.
This is how we grow. And evolve. We learn from our past mistakes, our way where we went about things, of what we did and said at the time. We are to get past the challenges and obstacles we are faced each and every day, if we really want to be with this person. Or at least try and see where it may go. No matter how many times it takes.
I often see certain people I know, who run away from their feelings. Because they are scared or are not ready to be with the person….sometimes just yet. This is when it is a decision to the person, who may have to wait and be patient. Till the other person is ready. Doesn’t matter what gender you are. If you are willing to wait. And it finally happens, and their wall comes down or starts to again. Remember what you learnt and move forward (again, if it is with the same person).
We often go through time and time again, trying to learn the lessons we are faced. And will go through them until we learn from them. Whether it is now or later, doesn’t matter. If you are to learn a lesson you will see the pattern you have gone through. And know if you have gotten past the challenge or obstacle, of the lesson.
Lessons are not that easy to go through at times. They can be tough. But, once you get past it, you will feel so much better knowing where you went wrong. Sometimes these lessons are not ones where you end the relationship, but where you start over or continue on.
I am learning even now, why others put up walls. To not necessarily to keep others out. But to protect their heart.
I have done this to two people myself. I put up my wall for fear of getting hurt again from them. And when I do allow them in….I am still the one who gets hurt. And when this happens, I often blame myself for giving in and bringing down my wall. But, no matter how many times I put it up. I always have that choice to bring it down again. And let them in. With one, I learnt that I can not keep giving them chances. This person I have not been with for almost 18 years. The other person….I am sure they know who they are. And should know, that I will always love them, unconditionally. As I have for many years.
The saying is “if you love it and set it free, and it comes back to you, then it is meant to be.” I loved them. I set them free years ago. They came back. They ran again…..
They had my heart a long, long time ago, and still do. And I swear and promise I will never hurt them. It is up to them to believe me when I say this.
I have never given them any reason for them not to trust and not believe me.
So, my question, like you might be questioning, is; when is it meant to be? And the only answer I can say right now is, whenever it is. Stop trying to control how it turns out, and just go with the flow. It might just turn out better than you expected, anticipated or planned.
Like Kane Brown says in a song “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be, baby if it’s meant to be….”
In love and light,